


1878 - 1898

by AntisocialHistorian



Category: The Alienist (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Harvard University, M/M, More tags to be added, Not Canon Compliant, Snapshots, angsty, it's basically Laszlo and John's relationship history compacted, it's sad but it DOES get happier, one looong fix-it, this spans from their time at college to after Angel of Darkness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:01:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25981018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntisocialHistorian/pseuds/AntisocialHistorian
Summary: Laszlo Kreizler and John Schuyler Moore first met in the halls of a Harvard dormitory, in 1878.1878 was the year they became irrevocably tangled.(Terrible summary but the ficisbetter).
Relationships: Laszlo Kreizler/John Schuyler Moore, Sara Howard/John Schuyler Moore, Violet Hayward/John Schuyler Moore
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	1878 - 1898

**Author's Note:**

> Amber Run, I Found.
> 
> That song is them, EXACTLY, to the point it gave me goosebumps, and this was written jamming to that song pretty much every other day.
> 
> Summary really sucked so thanks for stopping in.  
> (Unedited right now)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a _hot minute_. Hello again!
> 
> Laszlo, in book canon, begins university in 1877. John is younger, so I placed the meet at 1878, instead, and tweaked ages. There's a year gap between the two, with Laszlo in his second year, John his first. Ngl, I _hate_ Angel of Darkness, so please forgive me in future chapters.

* * *

**1878 - The First Year**

* * *

Laszlo Kreizler and John Schuyler Moore first met in the halls of a Harvard dormitory, in 1878. 

Laszlo had been in the midst of studying, when the sound of a loud crash outside of his bedroom distracted him. He had been more than just slightly angry with the whole affair. Exiting the room with a firm scowl on his face, he walked into a group of three gentlemen; two seemed to be in the midst of a near violent argument, while the third stood in the middle trying to diffuse the situation. 

Laszlo slammed his bedroom door, causing the man in the middle to look over. He shot an apologetic look toward Laszlo.

Laszlo studied him briefly, before deciding to focus on the object of his irritation.

"Might I enquire as to why the two of you are yelling outside my room, as if you were children that have yet to be taught politeness and etiquette?"

The two arguing gentlemen cut off, turning around to stare at Laszlo as the third gent shot him a sharp look. Laszlo met his gaze with equal sharpness, refusing to submit first.

"Excuse me? I might have misheard you, but I do believe you just insulted us?"

"I apologise, if I had known you had a hearing ailment in conjunction to your impoliteness, I would have raised my voice also,"

The taller of the two stepped forward, squaring off his shoulders and balled his fist. Laszlo titled his head, raising an eyebrow. He couldn't help but quirk his lips into an arrogant smirk. It was a pitiful attempt.

"Thomas, step back. You were responsible for the disruption, and I think it would be best if yourself and Henry continue this argument in your own apartments, rather than the halls,"

"John, you can't possibly-"

"You have been arguing over this for an upward of an hour, and you continue to go in circles Henry. It's a private affair, one that shouldn't be conducted in the very public place of the dorms,"

Laszlo's eyes flickered over to the third man. John. John was certainly an attractive man, that was something Laszlo would be unable to deny. But he intrigued Laszlo too. The subtle twinkle of amusement, the weight that his word carried to his peers, it was curious.

He enjoyed the mental stimulation. He had a good feeling about whoever John was.

He nodded to himself, tuning back into the conversation as a silent Thomas sent a dark look.

"Are the pair of you quite finished? Only, I do have work to be getting back to,"

"Sorry, what was your name?" John asked, holding a finger up to silence Henry. Laszlo hummed slightly, considering the request.

"Laszlo Kreizler,"

"Henry, Thomas, please, just go. This is drawing on as childish, and I'll talk to Laszlo," John waved off the oncoming protest. "This is _pointless_ ,"

The pair shared a look.

"You'll deal with him?"

"I have already said I would do that,"

Thomas looked as if he were struggling for a moment.

"Fine. Henry, let us go," 

John watched the pair go, before turning to Laszlo, and extending a hand.

Laszlo took it. It was a strong but warm, and Laszlo noted the softness of John's hand.

"Thank you for causing such a disruption, however brief it was. I had tried shouting over them, but you can see that didn't take,"

"And you're John, I assume?"

"Oh, sorry, yes. John Schuyler Moore. John is fine. It's a pleasure to meet you, even with the circumstance," 

Just like his handshake, John's tone was warm. Laszlo couldn't quite place how he felt; intrigued, certainly, but there was something else, something he couldn't place. He wanted to _learn_ who John was.

"As I've already said, I'm Laszlo. You are welcome for the interruption, but I do have to get back to my work. I apologise, but I should also thank you for your aid in seeing them off,"

"Of course, I'll let you get back to it,"

John gave him a quick smile. Laszlo halted for a moment. He wanted to know John. It would mean he would have to ask first.

"Laszlo?"

"Yes?" Laszlo asked, breaking away from thought.

"Would you be willing to visit a favourite bar of mine?"

Laszlo hid a smile. John got there first.

"Certainly,"

He gave John one last look over, approval flickering in his eyes, before he turned around to enter back into his room.

1878 was the year they became irrevocably entangled.

* * *

It only took a month following their original meeting for a close friendship to be solidified. A further two weeks led to subtle flirtation, filled with innuendos (and over-confidence).

Sexual tension between the pair was palpable, often bolstered by a bottle of whiskey and the faintest, lingering touch.

On one evening, Laszlo had invited John to the rooftop of a neighbouring building, bearing a bottle of wine. He hadn't _consciously_ intended to seduce John that night.

Even the greatest of plans were capable of going awry.

Laszlo's seduction was marked by inexperienced fumbles, impatient remarks and kisses. John's reciprocation was far more adept, with precise strokes and patient teasing.

Laszlo considered it an unexpected but pleasurable outcome. One that he would endeavour to repeat.

"I hate to offer up control. I expect when I have more experience, that role will fall to me," Laszlo told him, a faint smirk as John simply rolled his eyes and pulled Laszlo just a little bit closer.

The pain of the scrapes on John's knee seemed negligible after that.

* * *

"John!" John halted in his steps, searching around for the caller of his name. He saw Roosevelt taking long, hurried strides toward him, and briefly wondered what he could've done to warrant such attention.

"Roosevelt? Am I able to help you in anyway?"

"Oh, not at all. I need to discuss something with you. Come with me,"

"Is it urgent, only I have to-"

"It was not a request, John. Come with,"

John grimaced slightly, but took after Roosevelt regardless, trying to keep up with the fast pace. Roosevelt eventually led him to a quiet quarter of the library, and gestured for John to seat himself at the table; he watched as Roosevelt remained standing, but removed his hat.

"What is all of this about?" he asked, unease settling in.

"I hear you've become close friends with Mr. Kreizler?"

"I believe so, yes. Laszlo and I have built a fast friendship these past six months. I have an urgent engagement approaching Roosevelt, and I hope you don't take this too harshly, but is this heading somewhere?"

Teddy fixed him with a piercing stare, and observed John closely for a moment.

"You know I value our friendship, John, so I wish to warn you. Rumour is spreading, in regard to the nature of your relationship with Kreizler. Some are beginning to feel you are spending far too much time with each other, and word of your frequent overnight stays in each other's rooms is travelling,"

John felt as though water had been doused over his head. He gripped the edge of the intricately carved table, attempting to clear the blind panic from his mind by inhaling deeply. Neither he or Laszlo had been particularly vigilant, but it wasn't an accusation that most people would think to band around, especially where two prominent gentlemen were concerned.

"Are you implying something, Roosevelt? Laszlo and I are just close friends, I assure you,"

"In truth John, I suspect there is some veracity in these rumours. But-" Roosevelt said, holding his finger up in order to staunch John's protests, "-I do not wish to know whether I am right in this assumption. You, above all, should know how important it is to listen for whispers and dissent among upper society. You and Mr. Kreizler are treading a very thin line, and people are starting to take notice. Consider this a favour,"

"I'll be sure to pass your concern on to Laszlo, but as I have already said, we are _just_ friends,"

"I can reasonably say that two men, who claim to be 'only close friends', would not have been sighted as stumbling into one another's rooms at two o'clock in the morning, standing strangely close to one another. Far closer than social propriety condones for two gentlemen,"

"Is that what the rumours say? I can assure you that I have only stayed at Laszlo's a handful of times, due to my habit of overindulging on certain drinks,"

"In that case, I strongly suggest you rein your habits in, John. As I have told you, people, myself included, are seeing things that are not permitted between two gentlemen. You both have a great deal to lose to this. Now, I'll leave you to your engagement,"

John half-stood up from his chair, as Roosevelt picked up his hat and turned to walk away. He quickly flung out a hand, and caught him by his shoulder. Lowering his voice, he thanked Roosevelt,

"Thank you for the warning. I know what you think, and we aren't stupid men, so I thank you regardless. For coming to me first, and giving us this allowance."

"People talk John. They _are_ talking and while I know neither of you entirely care about maintaining social graces, there are other punishments for your actions. I cannot defend you, nor can I help you after this. My morals will not allow for it,"

With that, he placed his hat back on his head, gave John a curt nod, and began swiftly walking away.

* * *

John, taking Roosevelt's words as an urgent matter, stopped at Laszlo's room the next evening. He knocked, impatiently tapping his foot as he waited outside.

Laszlo opened the door, an irritable look on his face, that quickly morphed to confusion upon seeing his visitor.

"Hello, John. Have you misplaced or forgotten something that you had here yesterday?" 

"We need to talk urgently Laszlo, Roosevelt has a choice warning for us," 

"Roosevelt? What could he want with you or I, other than to try and offer me his unwanted pity again?"

"Could you please set aside your dislike of him for just a _moment_ , so I can relay what he said?" John snapped, having little patience for what he viewed as, Laszlo's childish grudge against Roosevelt. The mixture of irritation and thinly veiled panic took Laszlo aback, as he raised an eyebrow. He wordlessly stood back, allowing for John to quickly slip into the room.

"Agitation is not well-suited to you, John," Laszlo said, sighing as he shut the door. "But continue, what did Roosevelt have to say about us?"

"Rumours are spreading about us, Laszlo. People think we are more than what we have claimed, and some are going as far as to make the implication we are lovers,"

"Roosevelt stopped you to tell you that people suspect we're bedding one another? I hardly think that is the case John, it is too strong an accusation to issue against us, not to mention levelling it against a man with your status. I've heard some passing remarks, but none that concerned me too greatly,"

"You mean to tell me you _knew?_ Laszlo, this isn't another of your fun, social games, this is our survival, and I would have thought you would've let me know about this, even if you refuse to see it as a threat!"

"They can hardly prove it, it's just baseless assumption. I agree, we may have to take some steps to conceal the nature of our relationship further, but it is nothing that requires urgent attention,"

"Roosevelt knew. He refused to out-rightly admit to it, but Roosevelt knew, and if he can see what goes on between us, I hardly doubt others haven't taken note. You are avoiding this out of a childish dislike, and I would ask you to look at the full scale of this,"

Laszlo pinched the bridge of his note, inhaling sharply.

"You are overreacting based on the word of one person! You are understandably paranoid, but it does not relate to the idea that the whole of Harvard suddenly knows that I'm sleeping with you!"

"You are far more intelligent than this Laszlo, will you _listen_ to yourself for a moment? You're both admitting that we could afford to be more careful, whilst completely denying the fact that people are taking note and watching us. Both denying and being overly defensive is getting neither of our opinions across effectively,"

John stepped closer to Laszlo, as Laszlo dropped his arms, and exhaled heavily.

"I can agree to the idea we need to moderate our behaviour and actions, but I will also say that I believe Roosevelt may have exaggerated the extent to which people have begun to take note. There may be a future point where we must discuss this again, but it is not now,"

Laszlo was pulled into a tight hug from John, who gently ran his hand through Laszlo's hair. Laszlo buried his head into the crook of John's arm, in a rare moment of affection and trust.

"I'll agree with you, but only temporarily Laszlo. The academic year is quickly approaching, but upon our return back to Harvard, we will have to take further precautions,"

He hummed slightly, before replying to John's compromise.

"I'll agree to it on the terms that we share off-campus accommodation next year. Then rumours really will take off, and I'll have reason to listen to you,"

"Did you just-" John huffed, before giving in. "Alright, I'll agree your request. You you have you asked me to live with you Laszlo, rather then this warped detour,"

"Excellent. Now," Laszlo said, pulling away and fixing his hair, "I have to ask you to leave so I can get back to my studies,"

"You try my patience," John replied, rolling his eyes but turning to leave regardless.

Laszlo hesitated, watching John go to leave, before quickly grabbing his shoulder, and turning him around for a kiss. Surprise flickered in John's eyes, before he returned the affection, ignoring the scratch of Laszlo's newly growing beard.

"I have to finish studying, so if you'll see yourself out, that would be convenient,"

John sighed, but obliged, leaving the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

* * *

**1879 - The Second Year**

* * *

"You should start to try and find someone to publicly take on romantic outings,"

"Excuse me, Laszlo, but I am certain I just misheard you?"

"You seem very fixated on what people have to say about the nature of our relationship, and their suspicions, so I had the thought that if you try and cultivate a relationship with a young lady, the more socially prominent, the better. Rumours would rapidly decline, and I am not of a social disposition, so I would leave this request to you," Laszlo said mildly. John gaped at him for a moment.

"You're to tell me you think that I should use an unfortunate young lady to cover for the pair of us? Have you thought ahead, to how the poor young lady may feel?"

"As you have said, talk has intensified now we live together, and despite our vocal insistence that we are simply close friends, it is obvious that we aren't being entirely truthful. If you were to start seeing a woman, ensuring the entanglement is high profile, the rumours logically should subside and our fellows would be less inclined to keep a close eye on us,"

"Are you seriously demanding this of me?"

"I'm not demanding anything of you John, I merely made a suggestion. The choice is for you to make, on whether you accept it,"

"You're asking me to court and manipulate someone's feelings to ensure our own safety. That is not who I am, but I can't say I'm shocked you could suggest the idea,"

"I am hardly known for being emotional, or social in any sense. That is your personality, and it certainly works to our advantage. It is their temporarily hurt feelings to our life, and while I am able to understand your reluctance, I would prefer to ensure that both our arrangement and ourselves come out of this unscathed," 

Laszlo tried to soothe his impatience, staring at John. He could empathise with John; to use and play with the emotion of a bystander wouldn't have been his first option, if he could think of another. The rumours, however, had reached a height that had taken him aback, and allowed John to smugly tease him with it, after the initial panic had passed.

"Forgive me, I hadn't realised you were studying philosophy," John scowled, rolling his eyes. "I hate this idea, Laszlo. I've already told you how reluctant I am to hurt someone in this way. But I will not deny that we do need a solution, and I can't think of anything better,"

"So you'll agree to fnd someone as soon as?"

"Yes, Laszlo, I'll find a young lady as soon as," John sighed, ignoring the warnings blaring in his head. Laszlo looked at him, granting John one of his faint, but genuine, smiles.

"I know it isn't your character, John, and I thank you for understanding,"

"If I didn't know you better, Laszlo, I would say this was your attempt to be rid of me," John idly replied, after a brief silence.

He was taken aback when laszlo was the one to pull him into a tight hug.

It should've acted as a warning, in truth.

* * *

"I neglected to mention it, but I did as we agreed, and found a date,"

"Do I know of her?" Laszlo asked, looking over the top of his glasses.

"I'm unsure. She's the daughter of a friend of my father. Her name is Julia, Julia Pratt,"

* * *

"Have you ever gotten the impression that something is wrong with the pair of us? I can attest to the fact that I have never been normal, but to act as if this is permitted, to lay with and love another man? Does it not play on your mind frequently?" Laszlo asked suddenly, breaking the silence in their room. He kept his eyes steadfast on the dark ceiling, refusing to look at John, even as he felt the other man prop himself up to look.

He missed seeing the mixture of pain and hurt that briefly crossed John's face.

"I am no alienist, and it is rather more your area of expertise, than mine, Laszlo. But I can say for myself, that it is not something I have to frequently struggle with at this time. I had to understand and cope with that before I was even old enough to qualify for Harvard," John replied, just as subdued and quiet.

He didn't miss the subtle shifting of Laszlo, away from John, detaching their bodies just an inch, making sure that their bare skin was separate. The warmth of skin wouldn't be able to reassure Laszlo's ticking mind. Silence reigned once more between them. Laszlo still kept his gaze on the ceiling, as John slowly sunk back down, pulling a pillow over his head.

He ignored the sharp sting of oncoming tears, blinking them away. He couldn't cry. He had been taught that Kreizler men did not shed tears.

"You shouldn't be able to hold any measure of affection toward me. I can attempt to justify our actions, and I endeavour to challenge social norm, but to accept this about myself? To believe that two men can truly care for one another, and believe you care for me? I can make the justifications, but it will not resolve anything,"

"I know, even if I can't entirely understand why. But acceptance of this and the knowledge that is entirely natural, comes with the passing of time. You are not a conventional man, Laszlo, I am surprised you have decided to take such a traditional attitude toward love and relationships,"

 _"Why_ do you insist on trying to help me, when I have told you I am certain it can no longer be fixed? The effort is.. appreciated, if not lost on me, John. You are correct, I am not a traditional man, and I enjoy the controversy I create when defying norm, but there are things that even I cannot push,"

"You know I care for you Laszlo. I just need for you to believe that it _is_ possible for me to care for you, and I will try my hardest to prove it. I know you care for me Laszlo, no matter the depth of your denials, and I will not force you to acknowledge it. My only question to you is if you plan to be with me much longer,"

He neglected to answer, as he rolled over, on to his side, settling on his good arm as John turned the opposite way.

He was beginning to feel as though he had fallen, however unintentionally, in love.

And hearing the uneven intakes of John's breathing, as he tried not to cry, clawed at him far more than anything his father could have tried to inflict.

Laszlo thrived on being a scandal and the outcast; he couldn't envision John living as one.

"Please do not ask me what I cannot truthfully answer." He murmured, even as the quietness in their shared bedroom stifled him.

* * *

Laszlo adjusted his cap as he watched John approach him, a grim look on his face. He knew what John wanted to discuss with him; he had resisted talking to John about it for over half of the term.

"Are you going to permit me to speak to you about the future, or are you still insistent on being stubborn?"

Laszlo sighed.

"I suppose, if we must. What about our future, are you unsure about?"

John tried to quell the rapidly rising wave of panic, invoked by Laszlo's disinterested and distant expression.

"What is going to happen to our relationship, now you're leaving to return to your father? Are you still willing to allow me to visit, and write?"

"John," He hesitated for a moment. "We do not have the relationship you seem to think we have. This was an arrangement, at it's most generous form. It is not wise to be writing to me while I stay with my father, especially as I begin to start my research,"

"I can't say I understand what you mean, Laszlo,"

"I will occasionally write to you, when I may be able to find the time, and you can write to me as infrequently as I will, you. But from this point on, our history no longer exists like it was in truth. We were merely close friends John, never lovers,"

"This is it, then? What ever this may have been, what we did have, it's finished now, due to the fact that your father has called you home?" John sighed, running a hand over his tired face, so that Laszlo wouldn't be able to see the brewing tears.

"We aren't functional, with one another. We never will be. I cannot give you the emotional support and openness that your mind craves, John. That has been something I have never been able to give to you, regardless of my father," Laszlo stated, tone flat and expressionless. He straightened his back, and turned around, to walk away. 

From John. From the only person that had been willing to unconditionally love him.

It _ached_ so unbearably.

"Laszlo, _please_ ," John said, tone coloured with desperation, as he dropped his hand. "We can't be so irrevocably different that you refuse to even try. We managed these last two years. We lived together for a year, and you failed to say anything. There must be something to try for,"

"John, all we have done for the last three months is consume unhealthy amounts of alcohol until the late evening, argue and then fall into bed. This _arrangement_ has fallen to pieces, if you could even try and prove that it was functional in the first place. I have plans for research, and I have to return to my father as his health fails. We had two years, and two years has to be _enough._ If our relationship hadn't already been undermined by the fact that we are both men, our inability to talk without devolving into an argument should have been a clear sign we are bad for one another!" he replied, sharply turning around as anger seeped into his eyes.

It was the first sign of expression John had seen from Laszlo in their entire discussion. John couldn't help but flinch backwards as regret flashed across Laszlo's face.

"We were doing well, before you started thinking about leaving Harvard. Before your father called you, to inform you that you would have to return to him after graduation. You do not need to do this to us Laszlo," He said, tone quiet and subdued as his stare fixated on the ground.

"Stop, John. Please. You cannot bring my father into this. We have tried, and we have had over a year of being something, of being in one another's company. But there is no way you can try to solve this, no matter how urgently your mind is telling you to try. We aren't healthy for each other. I am not, nor can I ever be, the person you see in me. Find someone who can love you, like I'm unable to do."

Laszlo cast a brief look around the open area, before carefully brushing his hand against John's, and schooling his expression to be cold and distant once more.

"This is the end of our romantic entanglement, but I will always be available to you as a close friend. You, more than others, will be able to find a woman that do what I have neglected,"

"You ask too much of me Laszlo, when I have spent a year and a half loving you,"

"There are hundreds more women that you can easily love, in replacement of me. It can't be impossible, or hard to do. What we did create was far from love. At our height, we were lovers, I will admit to you that. I thought you would have known that we were to only ever be temporary. At least now, you can begin to look for a woman suited to your tastes, and to make a family for yourself,"

"You cannot minimise my feelings, Laszlo! You cannot tell me what the depth of my feelings truly were, just because you have had to convince yourself that two men are unable to feel a true form of love for one another. I know you are implying that I should return to Julia, which is something I am not prepared to do. You have no right to demand I move on, as if it would be easy for me. As if it was something that was always known to me,"

"We can still remain distant, but close, friends, but love you and stay with you, I will not do. You must dismiss the notion that we were ever going to be something. You can focus on Julia, over us, and she will guide you through this," He said, before turning away from John, and began walking away.

He didn't stop to look back, like John was sure he would do.

John stood still, rooted to the ground, unable to follow after Laszlo, as his eyes stung. Reality set in. It felt as though winter had arrived, barrelling through the soothing balms of a warm summer, to leave him chilled and trapped. But, as he watched Laszlo's retreating form, he had the sense that Laszlo would not return to him, to take the bite out of winter, like he had done before. 

A small part of John's mind told him that the summer breeze that had enchanted him so often, in the form of Laszlo, would evade him for the rest of his life, regardless of where he was to go. And, as Laszlo proudly took to the podium, John still closely watching as numbness and nausea slowly seeped through him, he couldn't help but think he was a child of winter now.

Cold and alone.

A single warm tear rolled down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, I know someone may find the fact I used the word homosexual irritating, but, the word was coined by a German pamphlet in 1869 so it's possible :( also, I'm not saying that they're both gay, I think they're bisexual, but this is Laszlo's first real _thing_ for a man, he's gonna be wild confused, so I gave him my experience of panic going 'SHIT, I MUST BE GAY' :)
> 
> slight age reveal, but ya boii is moving to uni for his first year, so it gave me a writing kick and enough happiness to pretend like the Angel of Darkness didn't hurt me. regardless, hope you enjoyed, and thank you for stopping by! 
> 
> Chapter Two will be along shortly, but I _am_ moving into uni, and I need to get settled.


End file.
